How much should one budget to travel for 1 month generally?

For my situation personally, a 1-month budget of a 1 month super travel? I would say probably $20,000. I would need a budget of $20,000 for a month of constant traveling and then coming back home. That's just so I can make sure that I have enough money to do the things I want to do there as well as the things I need to do etc etc. And also that budget would allow for spontaneous on the spot decisions just in case I want to let's say take first class back to my home state or on the spot decisions like upgrading to a jacuzzi suite or on the spot spontaneous stuff like going bungee jumping or something. Or even you know on the spot decisions like maybe even getting a private jet or something you know what I mean? I mean the sky's the limit you know especially if I'm going to be traveling for one month but I feel like one month is just like not enough. I'm thinking more like 2 months. I think two months of using that time to constantly travel wherever I want to go and do everything that I want to do, I feel like 2 months would be great great time. You know what I mean? I feel like 1 month it would be like too cramped. I would get there and then like I would want to do more things and see more cities and fly here and there and then I would want to delay the trip back home more and more and so I think like 2 months would be perfect. But I wish I could do that but like it just sounds like such a gigantic event. It sounds like something I would absolutely need to make sure to get my mind right for as well as get the clothes ready as well as get a fresh new haircut as well as whitening my teeth as well as shaving everywhere and waxing because I certainly don't want to go to any place where it's like freezing cold. So I would have to get my nails done and then I would have to you know what I mean all of those things just requires not that much time but like I feel like just like a week in advance I would be able to get all my clothes and then I would be able to get my manicure and then my haircut and then my hair dyed and then all of the jewelry ready that I want to wear which is not going to be real jewelry and then I would want to make sure like my passport and my IDs are all like duplicated just in case I lose one and then I have another one somewhere. And then I would want to find out you know the different rules in case like I get stuck over there or something? And then I would want to probably let some people know that I'm leaving or something like that. And then I really don't want to leave my hamster here so I would probably want to take my hamster. And I think my hamster would be okay with coming with me. You know I think that he like the beaches and my hamster would also like you know being able to travel with me! So I would need to get a little hamster carrier as well as like portable tank because I'm not going to leave my hamster behind! And then I would or like if I could, I would put him like in a boarding facility and I would pay the extra money to place him there but still 2 months just doesn't seem right so I would want to take my hamster with me. Or I would actually not like constantly be gone for 2 months, but rather I would come back every two weeks and leave him with like a feeder and like some extensions to his tank and then I would come back within the two weeks and then check back home and then leave again and then stuff like that. And if my trip was like within the United states, I would take my hamster with me and then take him back home and that way you know I can pay pay all my bills and then be here for like a day and then leave again. Because I wouldn't mind that because like where I live the flights are really cheap out of here so it would be okay to come back or take my hamster with me. And then I would I don't know like I really would want to just like travel with somebody even if it's for one month out of my 2 months travel thing. Like for one month I would travel with somebody like my boyfriend I mean and then the other month I would travel alone but then I don't think my boyfriend if we got to travel for one month, he would feel comfortable with letting me travel by myself because he's probably going to think I'm going to cheat on him or something. So I would have to travel solo for 1 month by myself first and then for the later part of my travel thing, I would have to take my boyfriend. Instead of traveling in the first month with my boyfriend and then saying see you and then leaving him behind. So I would have to travel alone first and then travel with him. Or if he wants to travel with me like for the straight 2 months, that would mean instead of a $20,000 budget, I would need actually a $40,000 budget just in case but I mean I would prefer that he has at least you know some kind of money to pay for his own flight and then pay for his own food but then since I'm like wanting to stay at different places, I would pay for like the rooms and then if there's any activities that we should be doing, then I would pay for those things but like I mean obviously I wouldn't want to pay for everything but if I'm already making like $20,000 an hour you know what I mean? I mean sure I mean if he's a good boyfriend to me and he's really cute, what's $20,000 you know what I mean? I mean I can make $20,000 an hour and then there would be his travel budget and then the next our I would make another $20,000 so they're within 2 hours I would be able to make the travel money right away so I mean I wouldn't want to spoil him like that you know what I mean? I mean he's got to do something for me. I'm not going to just I mean just because I'm able to make $20,000 an hour, doesn't mean that he has any right to try to make me pay for everything because why would I question why would I for him? You know what I mean why not just make that $20,000 an hour for myself and then just have him tag along or something and buy him some food here and there. I mean it's not like I have to give him that $20,000. He can make his own money unless of course he wants to go in with me and then you know what I mean? Like we would become partners or something but like in this business, it's really difficult to find true and loyal partners that will either not stab you in the back or not leave you in the middle of the whole goal thing that you're trying to do. So it's like I have a certain business that I'm in whether you want to call it a business but like it's really hard to find people that are you know what I mean? Like trustworthy in this type of thing because it just is like that. So like either you can leave me alone to make that $20,000 an hour or I mean I really don't think they would even want to be my partner. I mean honestly, they probably would rather just opt out? You know what I mean I mean they would still be my partner as in my boyfriend partner but as far as actually like working with me on anything that I do? I feel like they would prefer to just opt out and support me rather than actually like getting tangled up in something that they probably are not going to be as good as me. Like they might be able to like throw in some pointers? But like it would be like I would be the golfer and they would be my caddy but you know how some pro professional golfers, their caddies are actually their husbands or their boyfriends. As far as like the female pro golfers go, sometimes their caddies are their partners like their lovers and stuff like that so it's like I heard that they don't even mind that these girls are using them as caddy's because what they're doing when they're taking their boyfriends around or husbands around as their caddies, they're probably talking to each other while they're walking and she feels really happy to have her boyfriend by her side while she's playing the round and also along the way he's probably saying stuff to her like small things like stuff that he sees maybe in her plane? So like just because you're a female professional golfer for example doesn't mean that your boyfriend needs to be a professional golfer too. He can just like be around. And you don't see these girls like breaking up with these guys either. So it's like they must have some sort of powerful connection to where the household is okay with the girl being the professional and the guy just being around or something. The guy must be some sort of amazing or something but also like the guy probably is some kind of golfer but he's probably just not as good as a golfer as the female is. But if I really wanted to you know I mean back to this budgeting thing, for this travel, I mean I could take like an hour and make like $50,000? And then you know maybe I could just travel for 3 months instead of just 2 months! You know what I mean like but I mean why would I need 3 months because does it really take 3 months to go everywhere that I want to go? Because not every country and every city is somewhere that I feel like I would either be safe in or really happy in also. I mean I don't want to be there and then like get scared and also feel uncomfortable and or you know what I mean? Or like fearing for my life type of s*** so not every country is on my like to visit list but like I mean what I really need 3 months to travel I mean I would be heading back home every two weeks and then leaving within a day to somewhere else and then coming back in 2 weeks but I feel like that's a lot of flying. And and like and also what if that plane goes down you know what I mean? I really hope they like invent something like just in case the plane starts to drop down or something? No something where you can like eject out of the plane and then have a parachute and then be able to parachute your way down instead of going down with a plane. But I heard that like when a plane goes down it goes down in different ways depending on what was broken. So like if their wings are broken, then they can either glide if their engine is still capable of working but their wings are broken, then you're capable of like gliding into the crash rather than just dropping out of the sky. But like if your tail end is broken and also there's something wrong with the engine, you're not going to be gliding into any crash. You're going to be like basically twisting and turning from the sky and then like dropping from the sky. So like I feel like like having some kind of ejection Factor you know what I mean like in case you're playing is able to glide into the crash your plane I meant. Like you're playing if it's able to glide into the crash playing airplane, if your airplane is able to glide into the crash, then you at least you have some time to eject out of the plane and then try to stay alive. But if you're like dropping out of it because there's something wrong with the engine as well as something wrong with like the tail end of it or something then you probably don't have a lot of time which means you need to really GTFO out of there. But like I don't know if it's like feasible to eject out of that high of an altitude because I heard that like if you're too high up and you're exposed to that atmosphere, then you just basically choke to death and even though you would check out of the plane, you're just going to choke to death because there's not a lot of oxygen or something like that I don't know. But I mean if the plane is like super sky high and then like the plane is Midway already downward and you eject then you might have some oxygen while you're trying to parachute down. But like yeahyou really don't even know because like sometimes you're playing could be flying over water your airplane could be flying over water! And some people are deathly scared of flying over water like over that one giant mass of water that's between the United States and asia? Oh man that's a lot of hours flying over super deep water you know what I mean? I mean think about it I mean how long would that take it be like 20 hours or more flying over the Pacific Ocean and over the course of those 20 hours, it's going to be night time! So if it's night time and there's something wrong with that plane, then that means that you're going to be having plane trouble in the middle of the night where that water is like pitch Black so like man I mean I know that there are people will be freaking terrified if that happened. I mean and not only that you can't just make like light up here because you're literally in the middle part of that route. So like let's say like you're halfway to Asia and suddenly you're playing you know what I mean? And then you have to land on top of the water or something but even then, you're literally going to be surrounded by super pitch black water for however many hours more until the sun rises! And you don't even know if there's going to be like high tide and like a bunch of waves and stuff like that. And there's no land in sight and I mean they would probably send help but still even if they sent help, how are they going to send help for that many people to the middle of the ocean? You know what I mean they can't even get like a cruise ship out there that quickly because a cruise ship is so heavy that it would take like probably a few hours maybe I don't know like maybe some of them go fast? But like man that would be so scary. Oh my gosh can you imagine and then you don't even know if there's like sharks and just you're literally like asleep and then all of a sudden you're woken up at let's say right after sunset. And so there is another 12 hours before sunrise will not 12 hours but like less than that a little bit less than that. So like let's say you're playing starts to have problems right after sunset your airplane starts to have problems right after sunset. And so you guys have to land in the middle of the ocean in between Asia and america. So like what are you going to do you know what I mean? And it's just like at least like if there's some kind of like ejection invention inside of an airplane and you're flying over land then I mean you would be able to land you know in on the ground but still I guess if you're flying over land and you're having airplane problems, then it's probably not going to be a soft landing. You know I mean I guess there's one good thing at least if you're flying over water and your airplane has issues, then it won't be that hard of a landing maybe but still with how heavy airplanes are, I guess you would rather just land over water but like I wonder if if you're falling from a gigantic airplane well if the airplane is falling from the sky into the middle of the Pacific ocean, will it go nosedive into the bottom of the ocean because it's so heavy and going down so quickly? I mean I guess depending on the tilt of the plane, if it were tilted like more nose down like ground down, then would the plane go all the way almost to the bottom of the ocean? Because like it's so heavy and going down so fast that it would just be like making a gigantic splash and then all the way down because nothing would be stopping it! It would just be like this gigantic piece of steel that's headed into the middle of the ocean and then like on the bottom it would like settle in the bottom of the ocean then! You know what I mean you can't even get out of a car when it's stuck inside of water! So can you imagine getting stuck inside of an airplane because you won't be able to roll down any windows! So that's my question is like I've actually wondered that sometimes in the past is like if a plane starts to nose dive into the middle of let's say the Pacific ocean, will it go super duper far into the bottom part of the ocean? You know what I mean I guess I'll ask that question on the internet after I get done here but yeah I'd probably make one of the biggest splashes that you would ever see! It would make it would probably make a more bigger splash if it was not nosediving because it would be like belly flopping onto the ocean and bang I mean it would be like this giant giant splash and you might even be able to like hear it or feel it maybe in the country or something. You know what I mean? But yeah I'm wondering like maybe it might actually break apart because if something that heavy falls from that high up, it would probably immediately just break apart when it hits the surface of the water if it's belly flopping onto it but it might also do it if it's like nose diving into it but I feel like if it's nosediving into it, it would just like go all the way down and bang and because it's still, it would go even further into the ocean! So yeah it's just like I feel like I really do eventually you know soon need to probably you know get a boyfriend that way we can talk about stuff that is not as scary as airplanes nose diving into the Pacific ocean. That way you know what I mean I'm not like wondering weird things and stuff like that. I feel like I mean like I had like great potential you know to be a marine biologist? But like I've just been through a lot of things and I really want to follow somebody's story but I don't want to just follow just anybody's story you know what I mean? I want to like I feel like story lines are a good thing for the most part for usually most stories probably. So like I want to get into a story but I'm not sure which one. And I know like movies are good for that. But like I'm scared of some movies so I don't really like to watch all of the movies that come out because like some of them are just too weird for me so I don't really want to follow like the weird story lines of some of these newer TV shows or newer movies that are out so I'm kind of waiting to you know what I mean? But like I don't want to wait too long I guess. I want to like I want to follow like oh a love story. A love story would be great. Yeah like I feel like like because I'm not in a relationship, it's like worry sometimes because there's a large part of me that likes romantic things. Not like sexual things but like romance and like you know being in a relationship and calling somebody my boyfriend and also not just calling somebody my boyfriend but somebody calling me their girlfriend and stuff like that. There's something to that that's actually really healthy. And when I say healthy like super duper emotionally and mentally healthy for me especially as a female too because you know like females and romance you know most of us they like romancy lovey-dovey stuff. And I do also so it's like I know for a fact that it would just be one of the most healthiest things for me to be in a romantic committed and I don't want to just say like committed but like romantic relationship but like it's romantic enough just being in a relationship. Like I don't even have to label it as romantic and committed because I already know that even having a happy relationship with somebody is going to be romantic enough. So like I feel like it's really healthy to be in a relationship for me. I know there's women out there who just love being single but I don't know how they do it. Because that's not for me. I would never even want that for myself because that's just not who I want to be! So I feel like it's really healthy for me you know what I mean? I feel like also like having a boyfriend in a relationship, I can follow his storyline you know to some degree. You know like at least having a boyfriend I can find out what he did and how he's feeling and what he's thinking and how he's behaving and stuff like that and so you're like in general following some kind of storyline for somebody even if it's just your boyfriend's storyline. and then we would be able to follow a storyline together by like watching movies and talking about stuff and things like that but like not having a boyfriend at this point, I feel like it's going to become really unhealthy for me. I was able to tolerate not being in a relationship for a while but like I feel like if I'm not careful, it could be really detrimental for my health and I'm trying to do a lot of things on the side to remain healthy such as correcting my diet and making sure to get my exercise in and all kinds of things! And I've kind of feel like I've been putting the relationship on the back burner because I feel like I've been in the process of settling in to this place as well as an entirely New City so like I just needed a little bit of time to you know do these things and so but like I feel like I'm at the point where if I'm not careful, it would be really super duper unhealthy for me emotionally as well as also mentally and when I say unhealthy mentally, I feel like my brain and my soul is telling me that I need to warn you because if you don't get into a relationship, we're going to have some problems so like and I know I was being like detailed when I just said that but like I could just feel that it would be detrimental for myself to have zero romance anything going on in my life. Like zero romantic anything. I guess I could put on a movie but I was tired of watching these white girls get with these cute white guys because it just reminds me of how like some of my ex's either got taken away by white girls or they were cheating on me behind my back with white girls which is essentially the same thing. Or they were looking up pornos of white girls so I've made it a point since last month to unfavorite all movies and all TV shows that had any white white relationships. Like my favorite movie used to be pretty in Pink but mentally as of 2 days ago, I unfavored it because I feel like it's been manifesting into my life. I feel like I've been watching so many romance movies between white girls and white guys to wear it somehow like became reality? And I ended up like losing most of my boyfriends to these white girls. And like what are some of my favorite movies? Let's see let us review and some of my like super duper favorite movies used to be, Titanic obviously super romantic Titanic movie. Super romantic pretty and pink. And recently I started to watch sliver which is like an old Sharon Stone movie but like something about it was really hot so I decided to favorite it but it was like weird hot so I decided to add it to my favorite collection and then I started reviewing my life and reviewing all my choices as far as everything goes and it seemed to me that all of my favorite TV shows and movies were of white guys with white girls. So I don't know if that has anything to do with getting my boyfriend's taken away because all of my serious boyfriends have been white. So I don't know if that had anything to do with that but I had to unfavorite all of them. I feel like deep inside, there was some kind of association with the fact that the majority of my life I have been watching TV shows and movies with white guys with white girlfriends. Instead of movies and TV shows of them either by themselves or with Asian girls. And I know it sounds really crazy. It really does sound so crazy but I'm not being crazy I don't think. I feel like it's somehow manifested into reality for me. And instead of giving the credit where it's due and the credit was actually due between me and my boyfriend's. Instead of having to give credit to the movies that I liked which had the main actors to be something that I was not and I was not white. So like I feel like I know it's like sounds really crazy. I know but like I have to stop watching those things. And so for the last like several months, I've deliberately skipped past anything at all because I feel like there's something weird going on. I feel like there's something connected to the fact that a lot of the things that I found romantic and interesting and funny, it took place between a girl that was nothing like me. A woman that was nothing like me. A white girl and me are nothing like each other. We don't even look the same! So I had to skip any and all anything like that. So like if on the cover of the movie I see a white girl with a white guy? You won't see me click on it. And if you're reading this and you're a white girl, I wouldn't take any offense because I already know that you know what I'm talking about. I already know that a white girl would understand what the f*** I'm talking about instead of being feeling like she's offended. But like there are a lot of movies with white girls and white guys in relationships. I mean like 90% of romance movies in this country are taking place between a white girl and a white guy. And I don't know if it has anything to do with it and no I'm not going to stop dating white guys and no I'm going to date white guys that are pretty good looking too if I want to! I mean if that's what I want to do then that's what I want to do. And I feel like obviously there's going to be some animosity but it's not really my fault because how would you feel if let's say you were in a relationship with someone of a different race, and they just kept leaving you or cheating on you with someone that was their race you know what I mean? I mean you wouldn't like it either. Like like some of these like singers and stuff like that, I had to stop listening to them too. Any songs that are sung by white girls? I skip over them too even if they're on my playlist but most people on my playlist are either white guys or like one black guy or one black girl or something but like all of the white singers and stuff like that like white girls singers, I don't have them on my playlist anymore and I don't intend on trying to download their songs anymore either. I've kind of like started like boycotting you know white white girl celebrities and boycotting any movies with white curls in it and I know it just sounds so petty and so crazy but it's just what I got to do! It's just what I got to do you know what I mean how am I going to watch my enemy get with something that either I used to be with or somebody that I used to be with You know what I mean? How am I going to watch that and favorite it? That's like shoving it in my face that I got all of my ex-boyfriends taken away by a white girl! You know what I mean so like don't be offended by it if I happen to not like Taylor Swift or if I happen to not want to watch a music video with Mariah Carey in it or whatever. It's not anything like specifically against white people because if it were, I would lay off of the white boys but I'm not going to. It's just that you know like after a while it just kind of like great set you the fact that like it like kind of like Nas at you the fact that it wasn't just like one boyfriend you know that maybe kind of dabbled with a side girl that was white but like it's like most of my ex-boyfriends. And so I don't want to have to feel like I got my gorgeous ex-boyfriends taken away and now those b****** are telling me today an ugly guy because to date an ugly guy. Like so basically I'm getting my handsome boyfriends taken away and stolen and then being told to go and date an ugly guy. So how exactly does that look to you? It doesn't look very good does it. I mean you're basically getting all of your hot gorgeous beautiful boyfriends taken away and stolen and then these b****** are telling you to go date ugly guys. I'm not going to do that. Because first of all you should have laid off of my boyfriend's because they were already in relationships and second of all, I'm not going to have those boyfriends stolen and then be told to go out and date an ugly fat guy or a date and ugly old guy or date somebody that's not white. Because that's straight up sounds like somebody is trying to test me. They're trying to disrespect me without making it seem like they're trying to disrespect me. They're trying to say that I'm either lower than them and since you were not able to keep your gorgeous boyfriend, you need to go ahead and go and date that ugly guy over there which I'm not going to do now. I was nice enough to date an ugly guy or a non-white guy. I'm fully capable of doing it now but now this means war. It sounds like someone is literally claiming a giant war right now with me. And I really don't think you want to engage in this kind of battle with me because I'm everlasting. I literally have the persistence of somebody you don't want to f*** with. I can go all f****** day and all f****** life being this way if you're not careful. You know literally you're going to be starting a war with somebody who's never ever going to give up! You're going to be starting a war with somebody who's that f****** crazy sometimes. So like I feel like you know both sides you know can see some kind of like agree to disagree maybe perhaps. I mean but then again even when you're agreeing to disagree, you're still disagreeing. So like I feel like you know both sides can agree on something but obviously it might be very difficult because some of these girls they don't let go. They don't intend on giving up and neither do i. So I guess you know we have this like push and pull type of thing going on where you know we're acting like this is ours and this is mine and you know you need to do this and you need to do that but you're not going to be telling me what I need to do. I mean just because you're a white girl does not mean that you're going to be telling me what to do. First of all. I mean you already stole all my f****** boyfriends and now you want me to go out with this ugly guy who you think that matches better with me? So essentially your dissing me out without making it seem like you're actually dissing me out. By saying that that guy over there who looks like that and acts like that is a better match for me rather than the guy that I was already in the middle of a relationship with. It sounds like wartime. It sounds like a war that somebody started with me a long time ago which you are not careful of. You didn't realize that I would remember this would you? You thought that I would just you know forgive but not only just forgive but just like forget about it right? Oh no someone like me is never ever going to forget about what you did to me and what those b****** did to me. I'm literally you know what like at some point, all of the things the bad things that happened to me, they usually come sprouting up somewhere and saying still here and I feel like even though it was a long time ago, for some reason it has this like domino effect on every other part of my life too. So like I feel like by saying that I don't deserve to be with any of the guys that I was in a relationship with, is a really big disc. It's like really big disrespectful insult. I'm using voice texting so you know it's not going to come out exactly the way I want to say it. And I know that maybe you know some white girls think that Chinese girls or Asian girls need to stay with Asian guys. Or like black girls need to stay with black guys or something. I'm sure if they had the chance to say that kind of stuff to me, they would actually say that in those exact words. They would tell me why not go date an Asian guy? Why not go and f*** yourself b****? I would you my reply back to them would be why would I not go date an Asian guy? why would you not let go of my boyfriend? And then if they say well I started to date him after you guys broke up, then I would ask her well then why don't you go and f*** yourself? Why don't you go take the f****** news in your garage that rope in your garage and go hang yourself? You know what I mean why are you go take that f****** kitchen knife why don't you go take that f****** kitchen knife and slit your throat with it b****? And then I would say you know because it sounds like to me, when I get my boyfriend's taken away and then the b**** is asking me why don't I go date let's say an Asian guy? Or why don't you go date a black guy? It's it's literally saying like why don't I go and do something that I don't want to do. Why don't I go and get my boyfriend stolen and then go out with somebody who they wouldn't even touch? Why don't you as a white girl go and date a black guy? Why don't you as a white girl going date an Asian guy? But if the white girl is asking why don't I go and date my own race, the white girl is exhibiting racism and that is one of the biggest vices and flaws within the white race and when a white girl says those kinds of things, she is letting her in her racism out and express herself. She's basically saying I want white people to stay with white people. I want a white man to date a white woman. Or specifically I want the more handsome white guys to stay with white women. But you can but like for example me, they would want me to go and date The unwanted White guy. Because that's how f***** up they are. Because that's their racism saying that we want to have the more better looking white guys go out with the white girls because we're actually so. Anyway you know that's just a different things that goes on you know inside my head. You know there's also Asian women who think that Asian women need to be with Asian men. There's also Asian men who think that Asian women need to be with Asian men. There's also black men who think that black women need to be with black men and stuff like that. But blah blah you know what i mean? Is what I have to say that and I feel like I'm never going to be watching pretty in Pink anymore. And more than likely I'll probably never ever watch Titanic ever again. That was the last of Titanic and the last of pretty in Pink and the last of sliver and the last of whatever else. I don't intend on stopping on skipping those movies. And I don't really care what you think of that. Because it's my decision to do that. And you might think jealousy blah blah blah but I feel like someone has started a war with me a long time ago and so we're going to continue this war and one of my strategies as far as that goes is that I'm going to have to stop everything that my enemy participates in. I mean since the white girl is basically my enemy since she's stealing everything that I'm dating, she's essentially my enemy! You know I remember having this one girl as my friend, and she literally cheated with my boyfriend too! And she was white. And I feel like a part of her knew that I was starting to see that she was probably planning on stealing my boyfriend. You know I was trying to be nice and hang out with her and my boyfriend at the same time but that's also really dangerous too especially when the girlfriend that you have does not have a boyfriend and she's not like entirely nice to you either. So that just spells disaster that just spells like your boyfriend is probably going to cheat with her because if she doesn't have a boyfriend and she's desperate and she's not totally that great to you as a friend, then hanging out with her and your boyfriend at the same time is probably a really really bad idea. But I was doing the friend thing and wanting to wanting everybody to hang out and obviously that was a bad idea. So like I feel like I just have to keep all those things separate. And it really sucks that I got to do that but like I got to do that I guess. And secondly you know it's nice and you know it's nice that you know your little white boys are dissing me out to go and cheat with your s***** ass, you know basically saying oh I'm going to chase after my fellow race and I'm going to chase after the white girl and make her feel wanted because that's my job is to go out there and cheat on the Asian girl that I'm dating just so the little racist white girl can feel wanted. What the races white girl is feeling is not my problem. And that should not be a problem for my boyfriend either because that's not something that he can fix by chasing after her behind my back. So whether it's to make the little racist white or whatever he's trying to accomplish, it's not making any sense that he's trying to do that while he's in a relationship with me. So the fact that like that's also happened to me in the past, it's like maybe the white guy felt bad I don't know? Maybe the white guy felt bad because he was dating someone who was not a white girl? I don't f****** know and why the f*** should me and my boyfriend give a f*** about that? You know what I mean what if I'm dating somebody and it would be like essentially me saying oh look at that single cute guy over there. I feel so sorry for the single hot white guy over there even though I'm already in a relationship with a white guy, what if there's another hot white guy that I feel really sorry for because he's single? Should I go over there and keep his company? Should I go over there and cheat behind my boyfriend's back because I feel really sorry for the single white guy that's really cute that's shopping somewhere? You know what I mean it doesn't f****** make any sense because it's not going to be my job to be everybody's girlfriend. As far as a relationship goes, it would be my job to at least be one guy's girlfriend. Not to be in a relationship and then feel sorry for all the single guys to where I'm like maybe I can just be a friend to the single guy behind my boyfriend's back. Because I feel so sorry that this single guy over there is single so that must mean that it's my job to be this guy's girlfriend too! So like it doesn't make any f****** sense and it makes you looking stupid idiot it makes you look like a f****** stupid idiot. this whole like feeling sorry thing is totally totally carried out so incorrectly. This whole like sympathizing in general thing. It's like have you gotten everything mixed up? You're feeling sorry for the wrong f****** things and it's ruining everything! You know what I mean? You're literally feeling sorry for someone who's single but yet you're already in a relationship. Like why is it your f****** job to feel sorry for the stupid little single white girl to the point where you're going to f****** cheat on me? You know it doesn't make any f****** sense or like for example, let's say I'm dating a white guy and in the duration of our relationship, there is a really really gorgeous Asian guy. Like super gorgeous Asian guy and he's single. So f****** what? Like let's say like I'm already in like a committed relationship with someone that's not Asian and then like his coworker or his neighbor is a super duper hot Asian guy like a fellow Asian to me so like we hear of stories about this Asian guy having problems getting a girlfriend and he's been single for the longest time and he's so sad because he's f****** single and so that means that I must cheat on my boyfriend because I feel sorry for the poor single Asian Guy and because I'm Asian I need to go and date the Asian guy behind my white boyfriend's back how f****** stupid is that? How the f*** are you going to make any f****** sense of that? Why isn't my f****** job to feel sorry for some single Asian guy because he's a fellow Asian and since I'm a Asian female and I'm dating a non-asian guy that I should be loyal to my country and start cheating on the white guy with a fellow Asian guy because I need to be loyal to my fellow asians? Doesn't make any f****** sense I don't give a f*** if you're a f****** single Asian guy. I'm still not going to I'm still not my f****** job to cheat on you or cheat on my boyfriend because you're a fellow Asian guy who has been single for 20,000 years and I should feel sorry for you and start dating you instead of dating the other guy or dating you behind the other guy or whatever the f*** else kind of f****** b******* there is. I can't f*** about you I'm not going to f****** feel sorry for you like that enough to where I'm going to be f****** ruining my f****** relationship that I already spent time energy and money on. Oh and just because I'm Asian I should be dating a f****** asian. Where the f*** do you get that racist ass s***? Oh just because I had a f****** Asian Dad means that Asian guys are going to be treating me better. No they're f****** not feel like I'm making this an issue because there's been people that's been making this an issue. I really didn't want to emphasize the fact that the only person that I really want to date is someone that probably looks like some of my ex-boyfriends. I really didn't want to get my ass boyfriend f****** taken away like that but I got them taken away like that. And you know what like I said before in some of my replies before, they literally f***** with me in the first place. And I know it sounds like you know I should be treating them like their seasons. Someone told me like in a sermon oh I think it was Joel Osteen the other day, he said that my relationships should be like seasons and that I need to let the seasons go because another season is going to come so you want me to jump from guy to guy? you want me to hook up with one guy during the winter and then hook up with another guy in the summer and then hook up with another guy in the fall? Is that what you're saying when you're telling me that my relationships are like seasons? I just feel like I need to get into another relationship but I don't want to get into a relationship that I don't want to have a relationship with. And by pressuring me to date someone I don't want to take, I'm just going to be cheating on them. I literally promise you, if somebody forces me into a relationship that I don't want to be in, I'm going to cheat on that person. I promise you that. Because it's not something that you know I wanted. And I really don't have to do and also I feel like another issue of this whole issue is that where a lot of this stems from where a lot of my frustration stems from is the fact that like a lot of people have try to boss me around and come at me around and you know and just like treat me like they don't want to give me any kind of chance to make my own decisions. To do what I want to do and do what I need to do because now I'm not even doing anything I'm not even using drugs I'm not even smoking nothing I'm not even doing anything like that. And even when I was, was I doing it because some dick head was in the way? Was I drinking because I'm dick head was getting on my f****** nerves? Or was I drinking because some f****** white girl stole my f****** boyfriend again? Well I wasn't drinking cuz of that but it probably did not make it any better. But like the fact that like I get treated it's you know what it probably has a lot to do with the shape of my face too? Like I got these like chubby cheeks and I got like this face that's like not like these other like slender face girls? Maybe it has to do with the shape of my face that I get treated like I don't know anything. Maybe it's because I'm not as pretty as other girls that I get treated like I don't know anything. Like people like just treat me like I said in one of my replies, they treat me like I'm the b**** of the f****** group! Like they want me to be the f****** b**** of the group like I should remain the b**** of the f****** group. I don't want to be the f****** picture of the group and if you make me be the b**** of the group, I'm going to ruin a lot of things for you. Because that's not a fun place to be and that's not something I want to be either. I don't want to be the f****** b**** of the group. But like there's a lot of things that just you know if you're asking me why I did this and why I did that and stuff like that, there's just like a whole slew of s*** that I've always like unintentionally probably carried inside of my life and my soul. Like the good things as well as the bad things. And I know there's probably going to be people you know asking why I did this and why I did that and just why overall but like sometimes I just drug my shoulders and just sometimes, I actually don't know exactly why I did something. But at other times I do have like a feeling you know why I did other things and stuff like that. But like it's just like a whole like thing that you know all kinds of s***. You know all kinds of f***** up s*** and like it probably has something to do with like perception you know like perceiving how this and that happened in my life. You know I probably understood things differently versus how someone else in my life may have understood things and stuff like that. You know there might have been like people who didn't really want to hurt my feelings or didn't really want to hurt me who ended up hurting me really badly. Or like you know there might be you know situations where I don't know just like it's all kinds of things. You know I feel like I'm probably like more passive aggressive than I am you know aggressive aggressive and I'm trying to work on that. I'm kind of like be more out there and you know I tend to kind of shy away from having to be overly direct with people but I really want to practice at least like how to be direct right away with people. You know what I mean without like taking a step back and then second guessing myself and then not even doing what I wanted to do in the first place. So like I definitely want to work on that and then I also want to be able to feel like I need to drink of water. Probably I'll need a drink of water by now. And then I also want to like just get back to reality and also be realistic but also not have to be unhappy realistic as well. I mean when people say like real realistic, they think that it has to be unhappy but reality doesn't really have to be unhappy. You know what I mean? Reality can be very very happy. My life and then at times I have to tell myself no it is what it is and just going to have to go with it. You know there's nothing else that really like the other things now that I really can do. And I feel like you know I mean obviously it's probably going to be okay more than likely it'll be okay but it just feels like it's not but I just got to be strong and I'm dealing with like people who lik literally see black and white. They see black and white and no in between. Even though there isn't in between but they don't want to acknowledge the fact that there is in between. They just want to see the world and black and white and that's pretty much it. They just want to see like it is or it isn't. You know those types of people who like don't even acknowledge the fact that maybe there's something else going on or maybe there's an influential factor or maybe there's something bad that happened or maybe there's something good that happened that is the reasoning for the rainbow in the sky? You know what I mean. But yeah I want to go see a movie but I don't know which exactly what movie I want to see probably none of them because they're all either horror movies or something follow up storyline. Maybe I'll go on Wikipedia and read about people on Wikipedia because sometimes that's actually really interesting. And then I can also study the weird things that I like to study? I like I don't know if I want to study anymore of that s***. I really don't like as far as like the numbers and the timing thing and the color thing and stuff like that? I feel like I'm trying to leave that in the past. Because I don't want to study things like that anymore. But there is a little small part of me that still does. I guess like because if after you study those things and you see the weird things start to pop out, and it's noticeable, then it makes you want to research them even more! You know like to find out why they stand out so much to you or something like that. So like those numbers things is really interesting because you know when certain people you know they pass away or they when something happens like let's say like titanic. Like so to me or someone like me it's a pretty big deal and very weird that the Titanic actually went down when the leader of North Korea was born. Like something like that would be really weird to me. Because I mean the Titanic going down with all those people dying that's really weird that happened when a dictator was born. So it's like and weird things like that. And another weird thing would be like this James Dean thing. How James Dean was like driving this weird car that looks like a race car but I don't know if it was actually a race race car. But like this I think this race car had the numbers 31 on it. And I've always thought 31 is basically 13 which is same thing. So like the fact that she was driving in this car and he died in the crash while he was driving the car that had the 31 on it, like something like that would be something I would want to investigate etc etc. Just on my own and I mean I know I'm not like some kind of you know secret agent or like FBI or something like that but like those kinds of things to me for some reason are really really weird. Like really weird like so like another thing would be like Janis Joplin, you know something like Janis Joplin passing away in a hotel room that was numbered six? That's also really weird to me. And then the other guy who overdosed on drugs that was in the 70s there was probably a few. I think like the time that he died was weird also. And so like things like that I've been having fun and researching just because. But also I need to ask, myself, you know why is it that it's sticking out to me? You know and then you got the weird drum roll like why is it something that I'm interested in. Why is it something that's getting attention from me? Those weird things and weird numbers and weird dates and events, why is it sticking out to me so much? You know what I mean that's also something that I want to ask but exactly who am I going to ask? You know am I going to be one of those ones you know who sees her demise at one of those weird times or weird dates or something like that but I don't want to say that I'm like believing in a cultism either. And also I think they call it numerology you know where you believe like certain numbers do certain things and stuff like that. But I'm not really saying that numbers are doing certain things. You know what I mean? I'm not claiming that these numbers were the reasons why these bad events occurred or something like that. But I mean I'm not opposed to wondering if those numbers had any kind of influence on these bad events but I'm not stating and believing that these numbers are the reasons for the bad events occurring. So obviously you know if you were a christian, you would believe that those people probably had some sinister things that they didn't deal with while they were living. They were living sinful lives and so maybe that's why they died at certain areas or died at certain times or died on certain dates or wherever you know? Or if you're like a more of a scientific thinker instead of a religious one, you know you could use some kind of like what do you call it a physics to explain something? I mean I wouldn't even know where to even start if I were to use physics or science to describe why those numbers are associated with those kinds of events you know what I mean? So like but I would be interested in trying to find out and study that but also another thing that's interesting is like why you know why these hang on all right 30 but also like things weird things you know there are like numbers inside of letters. Like how it just and sometimes a very unusual way, it just looks like you know some numbers might be hiding inside of letters. I know that's a really weird thing to see or understand or believe or whatever but you know sometimes there might be like numbers that are hiding inside of these letters and it doesn't even have to be english! It could be like a different language you know I mean? But like their numbers would be in there language so their numbers would be hiding in their language instead of the numbers in the English language hiding in their language. But it'd be like weird thing is like so I had this like backward playing app and like you know you play like some languages backwards? And they sound like another country's language. I totally different countries language! So like you could play like English backwards and it sounds arabic! So like weird things like that and then like I tried to you know see if that had any kind of weight to or real association between English and Arabic like you know like how they sound like that but then I never got to playing Arabic backwards either. So like but now I'm probably going to end up playing Arabic backwards to see what that sounds like but just because like I'm curious to see what that sounds like. To see if Arabic played backwards sounds like English but it probably more than likely does to some degree if English played backwards sounds Arabic. So like weird stuff like that and then like I like also like the cosmos and like thinking about outer space stuff and I like gestures like studying gestures. There's also things about like our hands? That are unusual because our hands are like separate entities I don't know if like that's the right word to call our hands entities. But like sometimes I feel like if in a really weird world, our hands were a totally different something, the hands would be a separate person. You know what I mean? It would be like they've got a mind of their own almost nearly literally. You know I mean like because sometimes when you pay attention to your hands, but you're not actually paying attention or making making it obvious that you're paying attention to your hands to your hands, it's almost like your hands sometimes like do do things on their own. Like they'll be going over there on their own but like you know that your mind probably controlled it but like they also sometimes like don't have a distinct signal when they like do something or something I don't know it's like hard to explain. They seem like if I were to you know describe them in a really weird way, it's like our hands are like separate people. It's like they do not necessarily bad things all of the time but like they're always trying to maybe even like give you a signal or like I don't know it's really weird to explain. I know like for example, I was like in the shower and in the shower and I was thinking about something but I was also at the same time busy washing my body. So like my hands were already busy but not both of my hands. So like he was doing something like one part was washing my hair and then the other hand was I don't know grabbing onto the shampoo and putting it down or something. So it's like doing something but I know that I was thinking about something and then my hands suddenly made this gesture and it was like really weird like the timing of it was odd because I did not even oh